Who pays for what in a Wedding?
The answer used to be simple – there were traditional rules about who paid for what in a British wedding, and you broke them at your peril. But times have changed and the old rules have all but disappeared. 
As society becomes more multicultural, we also pick up influences from those around us, and learn how they do things. So where does that leave you? Probably in a bit of a muddle. Here are the traditional and current payment systems and some hints and tips to help you manage the finances.
SOMETHING OLD
If your family is willing to foot the expenses and follow the traditional path, here is the breakdown of the usual way expenses for a wedding are apportioned:
The bride and her family pay for:
The groom and his family pay for:
Attendants/Bridesmaids/Ushers pay for:
SOMETHING NEW
A divided cost ceremony:
Is one where the bride and groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding. Then they invite both sets of parents to look at the budget and see where they feel able to contribute. The parents might select certain items to pay for, or offer a lump sum towards the costs. If the parents don’t contribute as much as the couple had hoped, they may have to revise their budget or find other ways to pay for the wedding.
A split cost ceremony:
This is where the two families and the couple each pay an equal third of the costs. Sometimes this also means they get to invite one third each of the guests!
A couple funded ceremony:
Is increasingly common, and while second time around marriages have tended to be funded by the bride and groom themselves for many years, younger couples are now budgeting for their own weddings too. The advantage here is that if it’s your money your spending – you get to say exactly how it is spent!
In each of these examples, a budget is crucial. If a cost is incurred that falls outside the original budget, the person who incurs the cost is the one who pays it. For example, if the groom’s mother hires a harpist for the reception, and that wasn’t included in the budget then she is expected to pay the fee, or if the bride and groom budget for eighty guests and then invite seven more couples, they would be expected to fund the extra fourteen guests themselves.
SOMETHING BORROWED ...
Different cultures handle things differently – perhaps you could borrow a payment system that works for your situation?
DON’T FEEL BLUE!
Don’t forget insurance - whoever ends up paying for your wedding, the very low premium to insure against risk is always, always worth it – the chances of things going wrong are very small, but don’t gamble with your big day. Make sure the policy covers everything you plan to do, and that you understand how to make a claim. Then forget all about it and get on with planning your wedding: with any luck, you’ll never have to think about wedding insurance again!
As society becomes more multicultural, we also pick up influences from those around us, and learn how they do things. So where does that leave you? Probably in a bit of a muddle. Here are the traditional and current payment systems and some hints and tips to help you manage the finances.SOMETHING OLD
If your family is willing to foot the expenses and follow the traditional path, here is the breakdown of the usual way expenses for a wedding are apportioned:
The bride and her family pay for:
- Any rental items
- Accommodation for out of town guests
- Bridesmaids’ wedding gifts
- Ceremony Costs (Church fee, etc.)
- Ceremony Décor (table decorations, centrepieces etc)
- Ceremony/Reception Flowers
- Entertainment
- Favours/Bombonieres
- Flowers (bridesmaids’ bouquets, all corsages, ceremony)
- Groom’s wedding ring
- Guest Book
- Invitations, thank you cards, announcements, mailing expenses, etc.
- Lingerie
- Photographer
- Printed items such as napkins, matchbooks, etc.
- Reception costs (hall fee, etc.)
- Tips for services
- Videographer
- Wedding Dress, Veil and accessories
The groom and his family pay for:
- Accessories for men in wedding party, such as socks, gloves, etc.
- Alcohol at the reception
- Bride's wedding ring
- Bride’s bouquet, all boutonnieres, bouquets for both mothers
- Groomsmen’s gifts
- Honeymoon
- Limousine/Carriage/Car to airport
- Marriage Licence
- Officiant Fee
- Wedding Attire, for himself and his party
Attendants/Bridesmaids/Ushers pay for:
- Hen or stag party gift
- Travel expenses
- Wedding attire and accessories
- Wedding gift for the newlyweds
SOMETHING NEW
A divided cost ceremony:
Is one where the bride and groom sit down and estimate what they’ll spend on the wedding. Then they invite both sets of parents to look at the budget and see where they feel able to contribute. The parents might select certain items to pay for, or offer a lump sum towards the costs. If the parents don’t contribute as much as the couple had hoped, they may have to revise their budget or find other ways to pay for the wedding.
A split cost ceremony:
This is where the two families and the couple each pay an equal third of the costs. Sometimes this also means they get to invite one third each of the guests!
A couple funded ceremony:
Is increasingly common, and while second time around marriages have tended to be funded by the bride and groom themselves for many years, younger couples are now budgeting for their own weddings too. The advantage here is that if it’s your money your spending – you get to say exactly how it is spent!
In each of these examples, a budget is crucial. If a cost is incurred that falls outside the original budget, the person who incurs the cost is the one who pays it. For example, if the groom’s mother hires a harpist for the reception, and that wasn’t included in the budget then she is expected to pay the fee, or if the bride and groom budget for eighty guests and then invite seven more couples, they would be expected to fund the extra fourteen guests themselves.
SOMETHING BORROWED ...
Different cultures handle things differently – perhaps you could borrow a payment system that works for your situation?
- In Mexico the groom pays for the wedding.
- In India, almost all the wedding expenses are carried by the bride’s family.
- In Italy too, it is still common for the costs to be entirely the bride’s family’s responsibility although this is partly defrayed by the ‘buste’ - an informal ceremony at the reception where the bride carries a satin drawstring bag around the hall and guests fill it with gift cheques and currency to help her family meet the wedding costs.
- In the US and UK the costs are increasingly split between both families and the couple themselves.
- In the Dominican Republic the bride and groom have Padrinos (Godparents) for the wedding instead of maid of honour and best man. The Godmother usually pays for wedding cake and the Godfather pays for alcohol!
- In second marriages the couple often split the costs between themselves or pay for the wedding out of a joint savings account and in same sex ceremonies this is often the case too.
DON’T FEEL BLUE!
Don’t forget insurance - whoever ends up paying for your wedding, the very low premium to insure against risk is always, always worth it – the chances of things going wrong are very small, but don’t gamble with your big day. Make sure the policy covers everything you plan to do, and that you understand how to make a claim. Then forget all about it and get on with planning your wedding: with any luck, you’ll never have to think about wedding insurance again!
